
If you were to make a movie about my life, or at least the part of my life that would garner audiences and maybe a few Academy Awards (provided you’re a competent director), you would probably start in High School.
You would probably start with Kathleen.
It would be a three hour long movie of love, faith, and life. In the first hour, you would charter our journey as a couple through High School, weaving through the various scuffles of high school drama, and you would hint at the small details where things between us began to go wrong. Then an hour into the movie, that’s where things start to turn sour. This is where the Oscar-bait comes in: tears, shouting, drama, long and uncomfortable silences; the very essence of relationship hell. Halfway through the movie is where you turn it all on its head by introducing a fix-it-all solution: faith. Now, if you were a bold and respectful enough director to stay true to the source material, it would be my faith: Islam. But if you only cared about the number of tickets sold, you would change it to Christianity so it can relate to the general population, and I would hate you forever and demand the movie rights be ripped out of your hands and beaten over your head.
This is the part of the movie that makes the audience feel good and gives them hope. Everything that came before would tie together, and there would probably be some well written lines about destiny, and how everything that happened before in my life was leading up to this, or something to that effect. It would be hinted at previously, with Kathleen bringing home books that her boss, Ali, gave her in order to learn about Islam. In one scene, she passes a book to me—small, roughly 50 pages or so—called “A Brief Illustrated Guide to Understanding Islam”. It sits on the coffee table for a few nights, and I only give it a few passing glances, but eventually I pick up the book and read it; and, true to the book’s title, I understand Islam. But it becomes far more than that; as I read it, it makes sense. It is everything I believed in already, but refined and concrete. It is faith based not on blind faith, but reason and proof. Unexpectedly, I find myself drawn towards this religion that, mere months ago, belonged solely in the domain of turban-wearing Arabs.
Then you, the director, would copy everything from the night Kathleen and I became accepted Islam and became Muslims. It would go something like this: we are invited over to her boss’s house for supper— lasagne, to my surprise (after all, who would expect a Muslim family to eat lasagne? Don’t they just eat goat, humus and pita bread or something?). The dinner is good, and we get to know Ali and his family. Then afterward, we sit in the living room with his entire family, discussing Islam. And here it is, the moment where our lives changed forever. Kathleen goes first; she says her testimony of faith, her shahada, to the joys of everyone around us. Then Ali’s father, Yusuf, says that perhaps one day I will be ready to say it to. The camera pans slowly in on my face; you can see it in my eyes, the eagerness, the uncertainty, my pupils a whirlpool of emotions. The audience holds their breath; will he do it? I take a leap of faith –literally. I say my shahada: Ashadu Allah-ilaha ilallah, wa-ashadu anna Mohammadan rasoolallah; I bear witness that there is no God but God, and Mohammad is His messenger. Hopefully the actor portraying me can pronounce it in Arabic better than I did, because I sort of botched it. Yusuf is nearly in tears as everyone is congratulating us. “God willing, we will walk in Paradise together,” he says to me. That day we left my parent’s house as an ordinary, dysfunctional young-adult couple; we came back as Muslims.
In the following days we drop two M-bombs on our families: first, that we are Muslims, and secondly, that we are getting married. From there, you would document our struggle as we learn to become Muslims, and deal with our families’ reactions. You would contrast how my parents were fine with our faith, but against us getting married, and how Kathleen’s parents were against our faith, but fine with us getting married. “The world is against us,” she says, and I reply, “The world doesn’t matter when you have God on your side.” You would show all the things we had to give up: fast food, alcohol, ham, and more, and yet show how all of that brought us closer to our faith. And finally, at the end of it all, the last twenty minutes would be our wedding; a perfect cap to the story of a relationship made, lost, and then found again. A story of holding on, of faith, of putting your trust in God—themes you hardly see in cinema anymore. Your last shot would be us sitting at the table, holding hands, and I turn my head to Kathleen and say, “We made it.” Cue moving instrumental score by Thomas Newman or James Newton Howard. Fade to black. Credits roll. Audience leaves all weepy and uplifted.
Now, if you were to make a sequel that would be a different movie entirely. If the first film was a story about holding fast to that which you love, then the second film would be one of letting go, of sacrifice, of moving on. It, too, would probably be three hours long. The first half hour would be married life and how sunny and peachy everything is. Hopefully, you would have stayed true to the source material, because from here on, Islam becomes integral to how my life pans out. It shapes who I am, the decisions I make, and how I manage to get it through it all. More importantly, this would be a movie about contrasts; how my faith strengthened and Kathleen’s disintegrated, how I viewed our marriage and how she did (or didn’t), how I moved on my life and she, at least for the duration of the film, remained stagnant.
Things get crappy after the first half hour of the movie. Our relationship begins to deteriorate; another man, my old friend, comes into the picture and the two begin to fall for each other. I try my best to keep it all together, both emotionally and martially. We move into three new places within a few months, hoping that each new place would be a fresh start. We struggle with bills, debt, and food. I struggle to keep both my faith and hers strong. I sense it is all beginning to go wrong is when she tells me she doesn’t want to wear the hijab, the headscarf, anymore—something only a few months ago she championed and wore proudly—and then is compounded when she tells me she has stopped her prayers. This part would probably last longer than in the previous movie; it probably would not be until the two-and-a-half hour mark things start to get better, but a lot happens before that. The long, silent nights; the fear of simply saying “I love you”; the forced smiles and hollow laughs; eventually we get separate rooms—and when her sister asks why, we both change the topic.
There would be, however, a brief reprieve in all this heavy, sensitive material; on the DVD this chapter would be called “The Last Perfect Day”—our anniversary. It would be a montage: breakfast in bed; shopping at Ikea for furniture; buying food for a poor person; eating dinner at Joey’s Only; and then going home and watching a movie, cuddled together on the couch. It would be ambiguous as to whether Kathleen was truly happy that day, or just pretending for my sake, but I know that I definitely was.
However, this reprieve is brief; things dive right back down. I’m sitting alone on my bed when she walks in and sits beside me; for a moment we are quiet, but we both know where this is going; you would probably make the camera shake slightly as it pans in on us, signifying the tremors beneath the surface of our silence. We decide it’s best for us to get a divorce and we separate. She tells me that she loves him, not me, but that we’ll always be friends. I move home, and her boyfriend immediately takes my place. The nature of our divorce was very atypical, especially with Hollywood’s view of divorce: though sad and tearful, it was mutual, and very anti-climactic. I doubt anyone in the audience could understand why I didn’t lash out or hate them both for the rest of my life and imagine getting revenge, because quite frankly I don’t understand it either. I simply accepted it; I believed that if that was what she wanted and what would make her happy, then so be it. I suppose I could forgive you, the director, if you decided to spice it up by throwing in a few projectile dishes, torn up pictures, and burning mementos. Here, I’ll even give you a song to play during it all—our song: “Written In The Stars,” featuring Elton John and LeAnn Rimes. You’re welcome.
From hour two to two-and-a-half (add fifteen minutes for the director’s cut) it would document our lives separate from each other. I can only speak for my side; whatever happened between her and her boyfriend I only know of on surface level, so the screenwriter would have to fill in those blanks. This is where things begin to become the “uplifting, sensationally acted film!”(-Roger Ebert) the first one was critically acclaimed for. I reconnect with my family and also my friends, whom I had distanced myself from when I was married. I start taking care of myself, eating healthier, going to the gym and working out more (though the movie version of me is way, way too ripped and sexy compared to the real me; this scene is in practically every trailer to draw the ladies in). My faith becomes stronger, and my friend—and boss—Ali tells me how I was tested and made it through; “When one door closes, another opens,” he says.
The climax of the film is what everyone remembers: it is August, I’ve just been accepted to University, and I’m busy at work on a rainy Wednesday afternoon when I get a call from a tearful, hysterical Kathleen. She’s begging me to give us a second chance, that she made a mistake leaving me, that she gave us so many second chances, that she can’t live without me.
And I say no.
Well, ok, I say I’d rather jump off a bridge than get back together with her; but for the first time in my life, I’m standing my ground. I don’t give in. I refuse to make the same mistake twice. I have realized how much stronger and happier I’ve become by being on my own, and just how sour our relationship always was underneath the surface, even years before the marriage. Eventually, we simply stop speaking to each other for a long while. The film ends in January, shortly after New Years (symbolism!) and I am attending school. Everything is bright and in slow motion as I make my way to my first class in University, a place only a year ago I thought I would never be. I sit down in Introductory Psychology and the teacher walks in. The camera slowly pans in on my face; the teacher asks, “Are we ready to begin?” I smile; cut to black; credits; reprise.
Now assuming the audience responds well to this drastic change in tone, I’m quite sure Hollywood’s love of trilogies would ensure that another movie is made. This would be a far more light-hearted movie, for sure. It would document my time in school, the revival of my love of writing (probably changed to photography for the film because it is much more interesting watching a photographer work onscreen than a writer), my role as Vice-President of the Muslim Student’s Organization at school, meeting new friends, learning new things and general feel-good stuff. On Kathleen’s side, her relationship with her boyfriend eventually turns disastrous due to some off-screen incident, and they separate. She and I begin to reconcile, but only as distant friends. We both understand we are far too different now to ever be together; perhaps that’s the way we were all along. On my side, there are several offers to ‘get to know’ some girls, but I decline them; I’m not in any rush right now. I’m looking forward to the future, to a career doing what I love, and keeping myself and my faith strong. That’s pretty short, but it’s all I got right now. As for the rest of the plot?
I’m working on it.